The Big D

…and I don't mean Dallas.

Big_d

Well, fuck.

And I mean that in the purest sense, that only one who only has themselves to blame can mean it.  That whole eating crap and not getting off my butt has finally come home to roost and now I'm…well, take your pick of emotions: scared, angry, frustrated, terrified, mortified, self-loathing.  You name it, it's all mixed into my gut somewhere, along with a never-ending supply of tears.

I've seen a dietitian who says I'll be right as rain as soon as I drop this pesky unwanted 110 pounds.  The RN and I, however are about to come to blows.   She's insisting upon medication; I want to try diet and exercise first (which was originally put forth as an option).  The dietitian mostly agrees with me, but if the RN is being insistent for a reason (which she isn't sharing with me; trust me, I've asked), then I'll reluctantly start choking down pills.  I just hate it when tossing drugs is the go-to, knee-jerk reaction.   The high blood pressure meds that I was prescribed last November are known to be a risk factor for Diabetes (thanks for passing that info along, doc!) which isn't doing wonders for my desires to go back to the pharmaceutical factory.

My next round of appointments is in two weeks, so we'll see what happens.  For right now, I'm just trying my hardest to follow the dietitian's plan, dig out my gym membership card from its hiding place, and…well, I'm not even gonna lie about keeping my spirits up.  They're completely in the toilet, frankly.  I'm not sure if it's a good or bad thing that I have just enough going on this weekend that will prevent me from crawling into a hole and pulling the dirt in over me.

I think Jimmie should win for me on Sunday; that'll make it all better, right?

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10 thoughts on “The Big D

  1. Yvonne says:

    Well, fuck, is right. I’ve done the tests (2 rounds, thankyouverymuch) and I’m just an at-risk candidate and haven’t got it — yet. You can get through this. Back to the gym you go. Want me to call you in the mornings? I need to go back, too. We can be each others’ support-line. Hugs, D.

  2. maeve says:

    Well, fuck. That sucks. And it especially sucks that you aren’t getting good support from the RN – because it’s not as if this is stressful or anything, right?

  3. ann says:

    hey, as bad as this is right now, you can and WILL get through this. you have an army of people ready and willing to propel you to a healthier you. me included. look for my email soonish. *hugs*

  4. Melissa says:

    Dude that stinks! I’m sorry. I wish I had advice or an easy answer.

  5. Elspeth says:

    Dani, that is truly crappy but if anyone can kick ass and take names, it is you!

  6. Holly says:

    Sweetheart, that completely sucks. But you knew I thought that already. I’m here if you ever need me – and I’ll do what I can to keep the spirits out of the toilet (because, ew, lol).

  7. Pamela says:

    Well squatshit. That’s my greatest fear– yell if you want a partner in this new life.

  8. mai says:

    oh fuck, indeed. i hope you can figure out a good treatment plan that doesn’t involve drugs. i don’t like that drugs are pushed so hard by the medical community either. good luck!

  9. Kim says:

    Absolutely. It is scientifically proven that a Johnson win stops diabetes cold.
    Hang in there.

  10. Stephanie says:

    Goddamnit. I’m sorry, Dani. I have been less than timely in reading everyone’s blogs lately and just got to this. Way to get kicked while you’re down. Sorry your nurse is crudy. Let me know if you have questions – I’m the medical encyclopedia… 🙂

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