120 Minutes*

6:00 AM – Awake with a sneer when Alarm #1 goes off; fumble for snooze alarm
6:10 AM – Snooze
6:20 AM – Snooze
6:30 AM – Swear, debate blowing off gym, remind self that today will be the last self-weigh in for a while and drag butt out of bed
6:40 AM – Swear, grab keys, water bottle and magazine
6:41 AM – Stumble out the door and stagger to the gym
6:57 AM – Blink confusedly at elliptical machine; try to figure out why the Gold's braintrust has removed the water bottle and iPod holders from the ellipticals.  [I almost typed "Walkman holders" but figured no one would know what I was talking about]
7:00 AM – Tune the tv to TLC to veg out to Clean Sweep while sweating profusely
7:00 – 7:32 AM – Sweat profusely.   Wonder if trembling in fear of Peter Walsh coming to my house burn extra calories?  Hmmm…
7:34 AM – Stumble out the door and stagger home
7:50 AM – Enter my luxurious bathroom, stick tongue out at the scale, and shower, because, well, I'm stinky
8:00 AM – Squeaky clean!  Hop out of shower, see scale out of the corner of my eye.  "The Imperial March"** starts to run through my head
8:01 AM – Lie to myself, saying it's okay if I didn't lose any weight, as long as I didn't gain any either
8:02 AM – Slide scale into "official weighing corner" of the tile floor and resignedly step on
8:02:10 AM – Swear.  Step off.  Let it reset (fun with digiscales).  Step back on
8:02:20 AM – Swear profusely.  Step off.  Slide it off "official weighing corner".  Slide it back onto "official weight corner".  Step back on.
8:02:30 AM – Grumble

ARE YOU SHITTING ME?!?!?!
-12
Seriously.

* As in two hours; not nifty MTV alternative music video show from days gone by
** AKA Darth Vader's theme music.  I had to Google it; I'm not quite that dorky.  Not that there's anything wrong with that.

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8 thoughts on “120 Minutes*

  1. mai says:

    whoa -12?! that’s awesome! (this is good, right? you should incredulous but also pissed in this blog post.)

  2. Jenn says:

    See, that’s why I hate scales. One day they’re making us sad because we gained weight and the next we’re over the moon because they claim we lost 12 pounds. Asshole scales.

  3. Kim says:

    Nope. This is how crappy Life is at times.

  4. Yvonne says:

    I agree with Jenn — that’s why I hate scales. 😛

  5. Melissa says:

    Congrats!!!
    Sadly I knew the name to the song…6 yr old boys love all things Star Wars.

  6. LauraRN says:

    YAYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!

  7. Pamela says:

    What’s wrong with -12? That’s pretty darn cool!

  8. Stephanie says:

    You grumbled. Does that mean you didn’t lose 12 pounds? Don’t leave us hanging, Dani!! If you did, rock that shit. If you didn’t, screw that fucking scale.

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